Deaf dating service
Simply choose which of your friends you want the site to send you notifications about when there’s a change in their relationship status.
Then, if your Facebook friend changes their relationship status, the website will send you an email, so you’ll be right in there straight away. As well as swiping left you can use the app to specify whether you’re feeling Heavenly (“Let’s go for a cute Frappuccino and take selfies”) or Sinful (“Hey, I would like to have sex with you”).
Then you can go online afterwards and see how well you did against the rest of the world – who needs pillow talk anyway?
Do you spend most of your free time staring daggers at the “in a relationship” status on your one-true-love’s Facebook?
Apparently boasting hundreds of members at universities across the UK, skint students can sign up to be “sugar babies” to either “sugar mamas” or “sugar daddies”.
The website markets itself as “dating, done for you” and promises to land you eight dates per month, depending on how much you’re willing to fork out for the service.
Wingman, a dating app for air travellers, promises to help match you with a potential mate on your next flight. Currently in Beta mode, the app allows interested parties to ‘reserve their seat’ by entering their email address.
The main problem with the app is that joining the mile high club is probably a lot better as a fantasy than a reality – in reality your flight will just be full of hungover dehydrated adults, the occasional screeching stag or hen, and screaming children, which isn’t exactly the best pool to pick from. The app boasts that it will help you “bribe your way to a date”, by letting people exchange a bouquet of flowers, a romantic dinner, a shopping trip, or an outdoor adventure in exchange for a first date.
You can then send them voice messages and videos of yourself, which to be honest will probably be used for more sinful than heavenly reasons really.
You want to use Tinder, but you’re too busy, and you’re loaded (it is the perfect time of year for it with revision and student loans…). Aimed at rich single men with little free time to spare, Personal Dating Assistants provides an online profile management and ghostwriting service for dating profiles.
What if you’re not rich enough for Seeking Arrangement or Personal Dating Assistants, but still want to bribe your way to a date. “Online dating is a superficial game” says Carrot Dating, but promises “With Carrot Dating, you won’t get rejected before you even get a chance.